There are some things in life, many in fact, that you have no control over. What started off as an okay week is continuing to spiral into an awful week.
I am out of a job as of this past Monday. (Yea, that job I have had for less than a month.) I won't go into the details, it would involve far too many cuss words. At this point, that is minor though...
My mom called Wednesday morning while driving to the hospital, her brother is dying and she was on her way to say goodbye. Perhaps this would seem not so awful, except my family has had a string of deaths. My dad died two years ago in February, my grandfather passed a year ago in January, and now the time has come for my mom's brother, my grandmother's son, cousin's father, my uncle.
I am stuck in Seattle. When my dad and grandfather died I flew back to California within hours to provide some minimal form of support and structure for my family. But since I am out of work, and soon to be out of money, I am stuck here. Unemployed, sitting in a coffee shop, hitting refresh on craigslist every 3 minutes, as I wait for my phone to ring. I’ve had it ring like this before.
My mom called while crying and driving, and as she works hard to form sentences, I'm hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in that she doesn't get into a car accident. If I was there, I could drive for her. I could make sure they ate something, make hotel reservations for them, grab a glass of water for them, and hold their hand when they didn't know they needed it.
Perhaps what I am most aware of is the lack of control. It could easily drive you crazy. Your mind eventually reaches a point where it metaphorically throws its hand up in the air and says,” what is, is." And hopefully, you (I) can find peace in those three small words.
Circumstance like this put life into perspective. What I know for certain, what I find peace in now, is that I am small, the world is big, and all things keep moving (including myself, my mom, my family). What is, is.