Wednesday, May 13, 2009

What A Week - and it's only Wednesday.

There are some things in life, many in fact, that you have no control over. What started off as an okay week is continuing to spiral into an awful week.

I am out of a job as of this past Monday. (Yea, that job I have had for less than a month.) I won't go into the details, it would involve far too many cuss words. At this point, that is minor though...

My mom called Wednesday morning while driving to the hospital, her brother is dying and she was on her way to say goodbye. Perhaps this would seem not so awful, except my family has had a string of deaths. My dad died two years ago in February, my grandfather passed a year ago in January, and now the time has come for my mom's brother, my grandmother's son, cousin's father, my uncle.

I am stuck in Seattle. When my dad and grandfather died I flew back to California within hours to provide some minimal form of support and structure for my family. But since I am out of work, and soon to be out of money, I am stuck here. Unemployed, sitting in a coffee shop, hitting refresh on craigslist every 3 minutes, as I wait for my phone to ring. I’ve had it ring like this before.

My mom called while crying and driving, and as she works hard to form sentences, I'm hoping and praying to a god I don't believe in that she doesn't get into a car accident. If I was there, I could drive for her. I could make sure they ate something, make hotel reservations for them, grab a glass of water for them, and hold their hand when they didn't know they needed it.

Perhaps what I am most aware of is the lack of control. It could easily drive you crazy. Your mind eventually reaches a point where it metaphorically throws its hand up in the air and says,” what is, is." And hopefully, you (I) can find peace in those three small words.

Circumstance like this put life into perspective. What I know for certain, what I find peace in now, is that I am small, the world is big, and all things keep moving (including myself, my mom, my family). What is, is.

12 comments:

triv said...

i'm really sorry and will try to send some good vibes your way, whatever it's worth.

chelsea said...

Oh goodness!!! I am so sorry!! Sending good thoughts your way. I hope you can be with your family soon.

Blair said...

Oh, I am so terribly sorry! You and your family are in my thoughts and my fingers are crossed that the phone rings with some good news.

amy b.s. said...

i came back to thank you for the carine roitfeld interview. it was amazing. i can only hope you find some peace with all that is going on in your life and i too will keep you in my prayers to a god i am unsure i believe in. which seems to always remind me of how small we really are. but you touch so many. and provide such inspiration and knowledge. again, amazing. thank you.

Dobbygirl said...

I feel your pain - we have had a string of deaths in our family as well (my husband's grandmother just 2 weeks ago). It's hard, but hang in there. Back in 2002 I was laid off from 2 different companies within months of each other (and I had totally pulled up and moved for one and that job lasted 5 months) - I joked I was a country song waiting to be written. Just remember things happen for a reason and will all work out the way they are supposed to. Good luck! :o)

josephine said...

dear stacy, i'm so sorry. my thoughts are with you and your family.

C D said...

I have no words for you Stace. Just hugs from me... and hugs for your sisters, and always your mom (whom I talked to not that long ago). Love you. xooo

Hello, darling said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry, stay strong and I'll pray for you [as long as you don't mind]

Hanako66 said...

I am so, so very sorry.

Jessica said...

i'm so sorry to hear all ofthat. if it helps at all crossroads on both university and broadway are hiring.

-jessica

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, it's widely known that your former boss is a sociopath and a liar... don't blame yourself for a second. She has made so many enemies it is a wonder she can even stay in business.

Anonymous said...

Agreed 100% with Anon. It is NOT your fault. The woman you worked for is a truly negative presence in our fashion and creative community. She deserves to be run out of town.